Thursday, June 11, 2015

40 things I've learned in 40 years

"Life really does begin at 40. Everything up until then is just research." -Carl Jung



On the Eve of my 40th birthday, I decided maybe it's a good time to write again. I haven't blogged since December of last year. Life has a way of hitting fast forward and you feel like you're a passenger on a train rather than driving the train. I remember in Coal Miner's Daughter Loretta Lynn's famous line "I feel like my life is running me." Sometimes I do feel that way. We all get overwhelmed and have crazy time periods in our lives.  Some major changes have been underway in the House of Bennett. The girls are back in public school and very happy. We just needed an academic change. I am happier. They are happier. Win win.  Ali has been super busy with her 4H madness and is eager to start high school at JCHS where Pete teaches. Addie is just Addie. Quirky, nutty, silly, and just full of life. She loved her teachers this year and she tested into the Gifted program. Her tender heart and her ability to think just a little differently makes me smile. I'm very proud of both of them. Ali needs some extra help in math this summer in order to prepare for Coordinate Algebra next year in public school but I am SO super proud of her reading level. WAY above grade level. The older she gets the more she takes after her daddy. An avid reader, a low tolerance for bullshit, a very keen eye for superficiality. It's hard to tell who Addie takes after until she opens her mouth and her smartassery comes out. She's mine without a doubt. 

So 40 things I've learned in 40 years...

1. I have found the older I get, the less tolerance I have for obvious stupidity. Like calling Miracle Whip mayonnaise. Stop. That's an insult to jars of  mayonnaise everywhere and it makes you look like an idiot. At least in the South it does.  

2. I've learned that people change. For good for bad.. for better for worse. People change. I've changed. I don't know if it's God working in your life or it's just that you've lived long enough on the earth to realize that if you don't bend then you're more apt to break and bending is akin to changing. 

3. I've learned that it REALLY doesn't matter what other folks think. Really. It doesn't! Isn't that freeing? It doesn't make two hairs on a rat's hind end what someone thinks about what I do. That's been a long time coming for me but I've arrived at the intersection of "It's my business"  and "Don't care what ya think about it anyway avenue". It's a beautiful destination. Make a map and get there quickly folks. Life's too short to worry about people who look for controversy. Repeat after me "I really don't care". Say it several times. You'll feel better. Make decisions based on what's right for you and your family. If other folks whisper behind your back they're either jealous or they think very little of themselves. That's really about it. 

4. I've learned that some people lack self esteem and when they do, they will tear you down. Don't let them. What they lack in self confidence shouldn't affect yours.

5. I've learned that it is SO SO SO very easy to let your work/family balance get out of whack. I've learned it's easier for this to happen to husbands.  It takes vigilance on my part to make sure I'm doing right by my kids. There are some key phrases that I recognize IMMEDIATELY as a bad sign when I say them. "In a second", "let's do that tomorrow" , "i'm too tired to do that today".. just a few. When I find myself saying those words I stop what I'm doing and do what the kids want to do. I try to anyway. 

6. I've learned that childhood is kinda like a roller coaster but when a child gets to about the 4th grade, it's like the coaster is at the top of a huge hill and all of a sudden everything goes so fast. It seems like yesterday Ali was in elementary school and here she is starting high school. In 4 short years off to college she goes and I swear I still see her at about 8 years old. Sometimes she comes downstairs dressed to go somewhere and I hardly recognize her anymore. It's so exciting and so very heartbreaking at the same time. 

7. You can't increase a kid's vocabulary by copying definitions out of the back of the book. I don't care if you did it in school yourself. It didn't help you either. If you're still making kids do it, for the love of God stop. 

8. If you read, you get smarter. If you don't read, you get dumber. It's well researched. Check it out if you don't believe me. 

9. I've learned that there are precious few things more beautiful to me than Addie singing when she doesn't know i'm listening, Ali dancing a foxtrot, or my husband building something for me with his own hands. 

10. I've learned that the kids don't care if my thighs jiggle. They just want me to swim in the pool with them. 

11. I've learned that not everyone was born a Dawg. It's sad but all we can really do is pray for those people. 

12. I've learned that sometimes folks you call your friends are not and that sometimes you'll be astonished at the kindness of strangers.

13. I've learned that you can be rude, obnoxious, bitter, ugly, foul mouthed, and a general jackass but it doesn't endear you to anyone and studies say you won't live nearly as long. Your choice. 

14. I've learned that if you have at least 2 friends in this world you can call in the middle of the night for any reason and they'll help you, you are blessed beyond measure. I can think of a few in my life. You know who you are and I'm glad you are a part of my life. 

15. I've learned that if you lean over in a kayak to try and retrieve your hat, you're going to flip over.

16. I've learned that if you flip your kayak, everyone will laugh. Even your friends from #14.

17. In fact, I've learned that if your friends don't laugh at you when you flip your kayak, they aren't friends. They are fake. Without a doubt. It's a litmus test for friendship. Try it. Flip your kayak, and if you come to the surface and your friends aren't laughing so hysterically they flip their own kayaks, ditch 'em. Not real friends. It works every time. 

18. I've learned that I am a small town girl at heart but the older I get the more I understand why young people are moving to the city. It's hard to think differently from the crowd and live in a small town. 

19. I've learned that if you accidentally get toothpaste on your flat iron and then iron it into your hair, it may take as many as 3 shampoos to get it out.

20. I've learned that real friends will look out for you and they are particularly good at pointing out when others are taking advantage of you.

21. I've learned that teenagers get really wrapped up in the number of likes they get on facebook or instagram. It's an immaturity thing I know but it gets on my ever lovin' nerves.  Who cares. See #3.

22. I've learned that just because the crowd is doing it doesn't mean it's the right thing, the best thing, or even worth your time and money. 

23. I've learned that you shouldn't plant ornamental sweet potato in the same container as an asiatic lily. The sweet potato vine will take over and choke out the lily. 

24. I've learned that what they say about marrying a man like your daddy is true. If you have a good daddy, then try to marry a man as close to him as possible because every single thing about your husband that is not like your daddy grates on your nerves if you let it. It took me YEARS to tolerate Pete sleeping past sunrise or wearing sweatpants. I still cannot stand either one, but I tolerate it better than I did early on in our marriage. 

25. I have learned that you get out what you put in. In your work, your family relationships, your life in general. Don't think you're going to put crap in and expect to get a rose bush out.  That only works inside a chicken coop or a cow pasture, and it ain't usually a rose bush that sprouts up. 

26. I have learned that it's okay if your kids don't participate in every sport and play every instrument. 

27. I've learned that money in no way equals class or even the least amount of manners.

28. I've learned that it's much harder to raise a thinker than it is an honor roll student and the two aren't always synonymous. 

29. I've learned that a place is truly home when you get REALLY pissed off when folks slight it. I can complain about Burke County. The rest of you punk asses better not. 

30.  I've learned that if you put too much alcohol in a milk jug and light it in the science lab, you could cause a potentially major fire and the ensuing explosion will literally make your Ann Taylor skirt fly up over your head in front of everyone including Jesus Christ who single handedly prevented us all  from becoming toast that fateful day. 

31. I've learned that if you put too much alcohol in a milk jug and light it in the science lab, the result could be a friendship literally forged by fire.

32. I've learned that nobody grills a steak like Al Cooper. Nobody. I haven't eaten a restaurant steak in years. Probably 5 years at least. 

33.  I've learned that scrolling past that ridiculous show you love Jesus post on facebook doesn't really make  you a member of satan's army. I don't think Jesus has time for facebook... what with all the world hunger, oppression, poverty and alabama fans around Jesus is very busy and although He works through His people, I don't think sharing that stupid post on your facebook page is what He had in mind. I could be wrong. 

34.  I've learned that contentment is a wonderful thing and that being happy in your own skin is such a blessing. Happy with your body, happy with your life, happy with your family and all of the little things life has to offer. Happiness is largely a choice. 

35. I've learned that if you start hysterically laughing while paddleboarding you will fall off and your friends from #14 will laugh. 

36. I've learned that a woman needs to know how to put up her own tent. 

37. I've learned you find God in some really unexpected places and that God uses people in all sorts of ways. Spiritual gifts are real folks.  Find yours. Use yours. And I don't mean only at church.  I mean use those gifts for THE LEAST OF THESE.  

38. I've learned that you can't please all the people all the time. The older I get, the fewer people I see fit to please anyway. 

39. I've learned that I earned every single laugh line on my face. I've realized how lucky I am to be able to laugh. I've realized how blessed I am to work with a bunch of fruitloops who laugh way way more than they fuss. 

40. I've learned that 40 really is fabulous and I am one lucky girl. Super supportive family, funny as hell friends, house on a dirt road. Asking for more would be plain greedy. 

The end.  Looking forward to 40 more.